I happen to have a life-size cardboard cut out of President George W. Bush (it was a random gift given to me at a rock show 8 years ago)…on it happens to be a sweet action alien mask ($2 of awesomeness) as well as a ridiculous shirt that Crystal’s parents brought me from India (I have no idea why they thought I would ever wear it).  For years this distinguished figure has stood proudly in my home office watching quietly while I worked out touring schedules, booked shows, performed pre-marital counseling and even sermonized sermons.  He has stood witness to several pivotal conversations and decisions over the years.  Its like going to work with the president…only he is an alien.  I like it.

For the first couple years of Ezra’s life, he actually loved him and thought he was funny and would even put on the alien mask and run around.  Then he decided he no longer liked President Alien and starting calling him “The Scary Man.”  He would tell everyone about this guy and started having bad dreams and no longer was cool with going downstairs by himself.  Ezra soon asked me to “kick the Scary Man out!”  So I did…kind of.  I folded him up and tucked in away in a corner of the storage room where I believed Ezra would never find him.  He has rested there quietly for almost 2 years now and fun-loving Dinkleman (the mammoth, blue gorilla my stellar ring toss skillz [z on purpose] scored for the Woods family while at Sea World) has filled his post.

Often we’ve had to remind Ezra that the scary man is long gone and that daddy kicked him out…

Then a few days ago we began moving out the 44 boxes (and still counting) that we have been storing for Crystal’s parents.  Obviously, you store boxes that your father-in-law “plans to throw away anyway” for 8 years in the storage room.  Obviously, when your son decides not to nap, you put him to work…carrying stored boxes out of the storage room.

Then he said it…”Daddy, ummmm, I think the scary man came back and he is hiding the corner.”  Busted.  I then had to pull President Alien out and explain to Ezra that he was really just a piece of cardboard and there was no reason to be afraid of him because he wasn’t scary.  I even apologized to Ezra for not completely getting rid of it…

His response. “Oh…………….so he is like a silly man?”

My response.  “Yeah, kinda.”

“What is wrong with his shirt? Its weird.”

“Yeah, trust me, I know.”

“Can I wear it?”

“Sure.”

So for the last few days, all Ezra has wanted to wear, (other than his super awesome sugary sweet Plex costume from Yo Gabba Gabba) is this ridiculous Indian shirt (its so big on him he looks like Mickey Mouse in Fantasia) and of course the alien mask.  He is showing everyone “The Silly Man” and even wanted to take him to church with us yesterday.

And this has all happened just in time to traumatize my second child, who before seeing Ezra running around like an alien, has never even seen “The Scary Man.”  Wonderful.

She doesn’t think he is a silly man at all and keeps saying, “NO scary man, Nooooo scary man!”

It looks like President Alien is going to have to disappear again…and get put back in storage…I mean completely gotten rid of…I mean just hidden way better than last time.

I’m swear I’m trying not to mess up my kids.